


Ennui

by Iggy_Lovechild



Category: Hellsing
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-14
Updated: 2013-12-14
Packaged: 2018-01-04 14:05:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1081899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iggy_Lovechild/pseuds/Iggy_Lovechild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alucard discovers Walter drunk and in the midst of an existential crisis (pre-series)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ennui

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: Characters created by Kohta Hirano, who is incidentally not me. 
> 
> *sighs*
> 
> One of these days I'll write up an actual detailed narrative of this relationship, either as a multi-chaptered fic or something like my Alutegra collection of short stories, Life in the Gloom. For now let me just enjoy my sad, complicated affair.

**"Ennui"**

The reek of scotch and drunken melancholy drew me to a small sitting room, where I found Walter sprawled across an oriental rug. His fingers were curled around the neck around a bottle of Glenlivet and he was in quite the disheveled state. Hair was unbound, a dark halo around his head, tie loosened at his throat, waistcoat unbuttoned, eyes closed, and lips parted as though awaiting a kiss. Tempting idea that, but I was not in the habit of taking advantage of inebriated lovers. 

Instead I pried his fingers from around the bottle and took it away from him. I observed its contents with a small sigh. Nearly half the bottle had been drained. I was surprised when the man stirred as I settled into an armchair across from him. He sat up, eyes bleary, but voice surprisingly clear. By some luck of biology, Walter was oddly lucid when drunk. 

"I was still drinking that," He drawled lazily. 

"You've had quite enough," I pointed out more sternly than I'd intended. "Care to elaborate on the catalyst?"

The Angel of Death sighed softly as he stood a bit unsteadily. He strolled right up to me, and though he bore that remarkable refulgence, the man exhibited his old cocky manner he'd all but replaced with the graceful restraint of a proper English gentleman. It looked even better in fact, to see that porcelain perfect façade crack and expose the predator that lurked. He leaned into my space, placed one hand back on the bottle's neck and weaved fingers through my chevelure with the other. 

"Have I ever told you how much I like your hair?" Walter asked playfully. 

I rolled my eyes at him, resisting the desire to pull him in and damn the consequences. He'd let me even if he weren't drunk, but my question was relevant, and I desperately wanted to know why the man was pouring straight liquor over his troubles. It concerned me. Despite his exceptional tolerance, Walter rarely drank. Only on special occasions, whether they be to celebrate or mourn. 

"I'm sure that I already know," I smirked at him nonetheless. "However, my question remains."

He scoffed softly and narrowed grey eyes at me. Walter reeled backward with his prize and making me shiver as his fingers slowly pulled strands along with his retreat until they were extricated. There was a bitter twist to his lips, a trace of darkness in the wake of uncommon jocularity. 

"I'm _bored_ , Alucard," He sighed with resignation, the straight lines of his carriage befitting the Angel of Death more than the humble servant he was becoming. 

"It _has_ been quiet of late," I admitted, though I was a bit irritated that he would complain. At least he was useful. The worthless wretches that crawled from the shadows were hardly worthy of my attention and Walter was more than capable of dispatching them alone. I'd been inactive for months, sharing only in the kill vicariously on the occasions that he'd drag me to bed with the scent of bloody carnage on his skin and clothing. 

"Shouldn't this ennui be a blessing?" I asked somewhat mockingly. "I'd say that it's rather morbid to wish it to be otherwise considering the risk of innocent lives."

He snorted indelicately as he extracted a cigarette and placed it between his lips. I watched the practiced gesture as he set flame its tip. Oddly arousing, but there was something so wildly sensual about the frenetic human body. Even languid, it was a riot of movement. An annoyance at times when wasted, but Walter was among the few that rarely did so. I cherished every casual gesticulation. 

He scraped fingers through his wild tresses before giving me an insolent look, pulling the burning cylinder of tobacco from his mouth, and exhaling sharply. Though he still clutched the bottle like a talisman, he did not drink and instead only paced.

"Men are more monstrous," Walter replied acridly. "Anyway, it's not as though it ever really mattered to me. Protecting the mortal populous...don't make me laugh." 

"This is quite true," I murmured as I unfolded my body from the chair. His pacing was agitating me somewhat. Hands on his hips stilled his motion and I drew him closer, not yet against my body, but close enough to feel his radiating heat. 

"This isn't about the hunt, is it?" 

"No."

His short response and cooling gaze made me wonder if he would evade the question by word or deed. Instead he lightly stroked fingers along my tie, deftly undoing, but his hardened regard did not alter. 

"You of all people should understand," He spoke in an even, chilling tone. "Just as you, I was not made for servitude. This bit chafes me, Alucard. Surely you agree."

Low sigh and impulsive gesture as I passed a hand along the back of his head, smoothing sable strands and idly wondering if they would ever be shot through with grey. Though pride kept me from saying as much, or perhaps the awareness that it would serve only to offend, I worried when he hunted alone. For as brilliant as he was, agile, strong, and clever, this angel was woefully fragile with his mortality. A single wrong move and he would be just another corpse. I would not seek to denigrate his prowess, but I wished Arthur would allow me to accompany him even if it was excessive force. Even if I were to just stand and watch the beauty of the decimation he wrought, it would be a great comfort. I laughed softly at my own sentimentality. 

"I do, but what do you intend? Put in your letter of resignation and shuffle off into some pale semblance of normality?" 

My voice was steady, nearly conversational, but inside I squirmed with anxiety. If he said yes, he would just become another ghost in my head. Though it was inevitable, the thirteen years we'd shared as partners, friends, and eventual lovers seemed hardly enough. 

He glared, blew smoke in my face, and stepped out of my clutch. "Of course I'll do none of those things. The human condition is nothing more than trading one yoke for another: Bound by family, bound by employment, bound by a spouse and child rearing. Nothing more than a sad existence under some grindstone."

A teasing question regarding his cynicism clung to my tongue, yet it was flippant. He'd been an arrogant, cynical child, trained to hunt monsters when he should have been playing with imaginary friends or drawing stick figures with crayons. It was no surprise that he'd grown into a jaded man. 

I frowned as he continued, his manner once more changed perhaps with his intoxication. Walter slowly pulled the accessory from around my neck and dropped it to the floor. He slipped two buttons open and wormed his hot fingers into the collar in order to stroke my skin. The idle caress seemed to brand me, and I imagined his touch leaving angry marks as though it could somehow burn me. I tried not to shudder with pleasure, but failed. 

"I envy you sometimes," Walter spoke softly, intimately. He smothered my imminent protest with a rough kiss. His hot tongue briefly chased mine and robbed my ability to form words. 

"Before you lecture me, let me just say it's not for the reason that you think. I couldn't give one whit about the superiority of senses and reflexes; I'm speaking of your kind's longevity. Perhaps you find slavery attractive but I still say it's easier for you to take because someday you _will_ be free. This family is not exactly tended toward breeding, after all. How many lives have you undertaken, Alucard? This is just one more tale for you to tell."

Despite my jeering laughter, I finally gave into the temptation to draw him into an embrace. His body curving against mine seemed to contrast with his harsh tone and demand. "How many times have I had everything destroyed, and how many people do you imagine have passed through my life? If your bodies weren't so goddamned loud, you humans would be nothing more than specters in my path."

Quick as a striking viper, he fisted fingers in my hair and glowered at me. The ferocity in argentine eyes was exciting and boiled my blood. I sought to hound the lips that had curled into a haughty snarl, but his grip held me firm unless I attempted to force the issue. 

"You need none of mortality's comforts. Money has no meaning for you, nor does any shelter aside from your coffin." Just as quickly as his temper had flared, his ire dissipated. Some strange sense of sadness creased his brow. "While I sympathize with your losses, how many people would you have never met had you not thrown humanity's shackles?"

His expression was so meaningful that it strangled useless oxygen in my throat. I kissed him hard in the next beat of his heart, listened to it speed up as his grasping fingers scratched instead along my scalp. Yes, he was just one more brief life to intersect with my unending track, but he was so painfully vibrant. The eternal conflict rose and tightened my chest with emotion. I should be solitary. What did I need for companionship? Yet to chose such a way to live seemed more agonizing than if I had to mourn every wan confidant. All too soon he was struggling free and taking one last pull off the bottle before rudely extinguishing his cigarette in the remaining liquid. He was breathing heavily but looked more regretful than lustful. 

"For as much as I enjoy your company, I must take my leave, Alucard." With that said his guard was perfectly in place despite the lingering sting of alcohol on his breath. A pleasant nod and polite smile later, he put aside the ruined liqueur and reordered his appearance, even going so far as to tie his hair back. He turned to leave and though sorely provoked to pursue, I stayed stock still, following his retreat only with my eyes. The man paused in the doorway just long enough to devastate me. 

"Please don't bedevil me," Walter implored quietly. "I pray to close the night with more common sense than I have displayed this evening."

**Finis.**


End file.
